The One

I was thinking that it would not be fair ending this year without talking more about the best time of 2014.. I mentioned in the previous post that I got engaged and how it is an important event. However, I did not say why and it might sound as if it was a granted thing that might happen to any girl in my age and she would be happy for it. For me, it is not the case because my story is a little bit different. I knew my fiancé from the university level and we struggled a lot until we made this achievement. We waited until we finished our studies and then started working to save money with the intent of depending fully on ourselves. It might sound a normal love story, but in fact since the first day we were sure that we will be together no matter what happens. And the truth to be said, many things happened, but none of which have separated us or broke that bond. Abdallah, my fiancé, is always by my side he supports me and he is "the one." He knows the best how to make me smile and feel better even at the worst times. I am truly happy that we achieved our goal and that we will continue doing so after getting married next year inshallah. We have million plans for our future at the personal, professional, and spiritual levels.

Abdallah came for a more than one month holiday and until now I cannot believe that he came and returned back. It was the best time ever we spent all the time together and enjoyed every second- Alhamdullela. He used to drive me to and from work - even though I had a car, but I knew exactly how to exploit the situation  :D :D. We got the chance to spend a little time with his and my family, but we usually managed to escape and hang out by ourselves.

I am so excited that we will be planning for the wedding together. Abdallah is the perfect man to go shopping with, he dose not complain or say a word, instead he encourages you to look more till you find the thing you are looking for. I remember that we went to around 10 gold jewelry stores until I bought my engagement ring and he was more than happy.

Thanks for being who you are. Thanks for everything, everyday, every promise and plan you made true.  Indeed, Allah created men and women as company for one other; Alhamdullela.

"Grow old with me! The best is yet to be."

Robert Browning 

Overview of 2014

Today is the 10th Of December 2014. I have published only four entries since the beginning of the year. However, I've been writing many things, but did not know when and why shall I release them.


An overview of my life in 2014:
This year I worked very hard on myself in terms of my career. I continued working in the same place for the first five months of the years and then I quit! Yes, I did and this is the best thing that I have ever done in my profession. I worked for two years and five months in the same company - and I am not saying it is a bad thing staying for a while in the same place, but when you feel that this job won't improve you in any way, then you MUST know that "That's it." I quit the job in the right time and I do not regret it at all.

I started my next job immediately in an "humanitarian" agency as an interpreter. The nature of work is a little bit different since I am dealing with humans and not computers or papers. However, sometime I wish I have my own computer and sit there translating only documents that I enjoy and things that add something to me. This job is very exhausting - mentally, emotionally, and even physically, hearing people talking about bad things they have endured and interpreting them using first-person narrative leaves us destroyed from the inside... The feeling of guilt whenever you remember that other people having difficult time securing their basic needs, while you are having the privilege of many things that you do not even count as blessings. For the first three months or so, I dreamed about vague pieces of stories, dates, events, and faces, I felt very bad and lost the desire to enjoy life, but then I started to feel nothing as if I am numbed. I felt that my body is there and I am pronouncing the words, but I am detached, not connected to anything happening before my own eyes. For a while, I thought that this is the best thing that have had happened to me since I started this job and told myself I am being professional.. Until I met an old couple from Iraq, who were waiting long time ago to be resettled. They told us their story and how the war have separated them from their own children and how they lost family members.. I sympathized with them because the caseworker was really tough with them telling them that they cannot apply for family reunification and that they might end up in an elderly care center because there is no one who can take care of them and they are not able to work to provide for themselves. At that point they started crying very badly and that really saddened my heart. Can you imagine, god forbids, you parents sitting on those chairs being interviewed by someone who cannot even feel their pain, loss, and tragedy.

This work helped me contemplate about things that I have been always taking for granted. In fact, it changed me and awaken the human inside me. Despite the fact that this a tough a job, I am very thankful to Allah that I am here and I am being the voice of those vulnerable people. Last week they informed us that interpreters' contracts will be extended till mid-2015 and this is somehow good because I do not want to undergo the experience of looking for another job now.

Ok! Enough talking about work, which is an endless topic. Tell you what? I got engaged...
Yeah I know it is a big deal to talk about because it involves huge changes in my life, especially since I will be moving to another country. We have not fixed a date for the marriage ceremony yet, but most probably it would be in October or November 2015. So I still have time not to be worried about moving to SAUDI ARABIA :P   My fiance came for one month vacation and we had the best time ever, but it was sad seeing him leaving. Hopefully he would be able to come before the wedding, or otherwise I have to do all the planning and this would be crazy and exhausting because I would be also looking for the dress and other details... So hopefully everything will be easy and most importantly enjoyable - Ya RAB :) -

Do you really believe that 2014 is almost over :O        

Highlights

Hello...

I've been writing many posts and keeping them in the draft.. I do not feel like talking about things happening around.

This post is dedicated to the recent highlights of my life. I have graduated in 2011 and I feel like it has been ages since then. However, during the almost three years I learned many things and met scores of people. I can say that I only gained two "great" friends. Thanks God, I consider this a marvelous addition to my life because you know what Mark Twain said about true friendship: "Good friends, good books, and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life."

Talking about books, I decided this year to read more books and somehow I committed to the plan, despite the fact that I am one-book behind.. I have read: And the Mountains Echoed, سأخون وطني, and The Diary of A Young Girl.  The three books are amazing and different from many books that I have read in the past. I will write a review about the three books in separate posts [Inshallah], especially the Diary of A Young Girl. I cannot describe how much this book meant to me. I wish I can forget every letter, every paragraph I read in it, so that I can reread it again and sense that feeling again and again. It is an amazing book and it deeply affected me. For the next nine months, I have an interesting list and I am really enthusiastic about.. 

I had some plans that were not achieved this year, but this will not deter me from going on. This time I am determined and focused. I will overcome last year's "disappointments" and will do things differently. I have been seriously thinking about quitting my job, but I am reconsidering the decision because I cannot stay at home I love going outside. I am out of luck now; I had not find anything that fits my qualification and experience yet. Oh, I am also planning to sell my car and buy another one. Hope I will be doing this soon, but it is really hard because my brothers are not here and no one is helping me in this regard. I think, if I sell my car, I will go for Toyota Prius or Toyota Corolla. People are recommending Toyota Prius. We will see; wish me luck in this hard mission. 

My brother's wedding is planned, Inshallah, in October so we will start looking for a wedding halls because he is Jeddah. I have trillion of ideas for my dress and I started looking for a unique hairstyle. I am longing to a party for a close relative. Inshallah we will have a blast :)

Oh, I have to go now. But I still have tonnes of ideas and things to talk about.  

There is no 'Palestinian-Israeli Conflict'

Interesting read, especially since it is from a foreigner's point of view. Though it's quite long, it's worth the read.

"In order for colonialism and occupation to be successful, previous inhabitants of a region must be dehumanized, labeled savages, and finally, their very existence denied. Once this paradigm has been established, any and all acts of horror can be inflicted upon them without recourse. Thus, the stories of the oppressed become irrelevant. There is no Palestinian-Israeli conflict; there is only oppression."

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/ferrari-sheppard/i-traveled-to-palestine_b_4761896.html?utm_hp_ref=fb%2F

نشرة الأخبار

ذات نهار كنت مع قلبي وحدنا في الدار وعلى غير عادتي جلست أشاهد الأخبار!! ما كان معي أحد ليردعني عن تناول سمها !!وهذا الانتحار

..هاقد جاءت نشرة الأخبار خذوا مقاعدكم أيها الأخيار أمسكوا قلوبكم جيدا واربطوا حزام عقولكم ..فالآتي مليء بالظلم والعار

حان الآن وقت عذابكم ..عبر الشاشات والأقمار أيها المشاهدون ..تنفسوا بعمق !!!وركزوا الأنظار

!!دقائق لم أحتمل سوى دقائق !!ثم أصابني الدوار

بدأت النشرة بانفجار ..في مسجد يحتمي به الأحرار ..ثم ههنا بلدة تحت الحصار يموت أهلها ..تحت السمع والأبصار يا لهول قلبي !!قد أسأت الاختيار

..أقلب لمحطة اخرى ألف فرعون يطل منها ..وأنياب كبار واختلاسات ومؤامرات !! تدور في استتار

!!أقلب

وباء في انتشار ومجاعة وفقر وافتقار ..وههنا شجار ..وهناك قمع بالحديد والنار..

!!أقلب ما هذا الذي تحت الركام؟ ..رضيع؟ يارب يا ستار

..أقلب !!يأتيكم اليوم إعصار ..ووغد يقول أين أسلحة الدمار وقصف بالطائرات وأموات وضياع وضجيج وسعار ما هذا الذي أرى هل جنت الأقمار؟؟؟؟

هاقد أطلت مذيعة الأخبار رغم الموات والاحتضار تأنقت..وتزينت ..ونسقت الأظفار ثم قالت في حياد قاتل ..أتقنته باقتدار أيها المشاهدون وقعت اليوم مذبحة ..لأطفال صغار وعلمنا أنها تقطعت لحومهم ..وتطايرت على بعد أمتار والعدسات ترافق صوتها !! لتؤكد الأخبار صاح قلبي والدمع في انهمار !!يا ويلهم من نقمة الجبار

كفاني مارأيت تعبت من نشرة الأخبار كيف ترون مثل هذا بالليل والنهار ولا تطيش عقولكم ولا يصيبكم انهيار؟؟ أما تتعبون من هذي البشاعة تدك رؤوسكم في كل ساعة تغتال الصبر والاصطبار..؟

..ما أبشع الأخبار أخفوا عن عيوني كل الجرائد والجرائم وأشلاء الضحايا ..ودموع الصغار أغلقوا المذياع أيضا ما هي بنشرة ..بل إنها منشار يمشي فوق عظامنا بالليل والنهار يمزقنا لا يبقي لنا إلا القهر !!والدمع وذل الانكسار

..أعزائي الصغار يا أصغر الشهداء عمرا ويا من تشرد في القفار يا من قضى جوعا وبردا ونحن (المشاهدون) تحت دفء الدثار هل تعذرونا إذ نقول عذرا أم أن اعتذارنا يحتاج لاعتذار؟؟؟

يافقهاء عصرنا هل من فتوى لديكم تحرم علينا نشرة الأخبار..؟ أما لنا منها مفر في عصر الدمار..؟ أم أنها شر لا بد أن نراه ..حجة علينا أمام الواحد القهار؟؟

أغيثونا بفتوى فما عدنا نحتمل !!نشرة الأخبار

The New Year

This is exactly how I feel about the new year :P I am not pinning any hope on 2014, I will do my best and won't wait for anything in return..

5rabeesh

When we get old, I want to have you around. I want to take one of these eternal pictures.   

"Love is cure, Love is power, Love is the magic of changes. Love is the mirror of divine beauty." ~ Rumi

“Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches, we found that we were one tree and not two.”  - Corelli's Mandolin

“It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.” ― Friedrich Nietzsche

Freedom

Israel released yesterday 26 Palestinian detainees. Some of them were detained before the Oslo Agreement.

“I am no bird; and no net ensnares me: I am a free human being with an independent will.” 
― Charlotte Brontë, Jane Eyre

The first breakfast for freed prisoner Issa Abd-Rabbuh with his mother since 30 years

Faith in Humanity Lost

I read a report about a Korean pastor who helps families that do not want their babies. The point is why people decide to have baby if they are not capable of taking care of them. If you do not want them there are million ways not get pregnant at the first place.

Lee Jong-rak is a Korean pastor in South Korea.

He is the creator of the Baby Box. His Baby Box is the first and only box in Korea that is for collecting abandoned babies who are physically or mentally handicapped or are just unwanted by their mothers.

Hundreds of unwanted babies are abandoned on the side of the street in South Korea every year. Jong-rak knew he needed to set up a way to save the lives of these precious babies. He built a drop box on the side of his home with a humble sign reading, “Place to leave babies.”

The inside of the box contains a thick towel covering the bottom, and lights and heating to keep the baby comfortable. A bell rings when someone puts a baby in the box, then Jong-rak, his wife, or staff associates come to immediately move the baby inside. His aim was to provide a life-giving alternative for desperate mothers in his city of Seoul. He even admits that he didn’t really expect that babies would come in– He was mistaken. The babies came. In the middle of the night, in the middle of the day, some with notes, some without a word, and only a very few mothers actually spoke to him face-to-face. Pastor Jong-rak stated that one of the mothers said, “she had poison to kill both herself and her baby.” He responded, “Don’t do that. Come here with your baby.” One single mother left this heart-wrenching note with her baby. The English translation follows:

“My baby! Mom is so sorry. I'm so sorry to make this decision.

My son! I hope you to meet great parents, and I am very, very sorry.

I don’t deserve to say a word.
Sorry, sorry, and I love you my son.
Mom loves you more than anything else.
I leave you here because I don’t know who your father is.
I used to think about something bad, but I guess this box is safer for you.
That’s why I decided to leave you here. My son, please forgive me.”

My breath was pulled from me as I read, “I used to think about something bad but I guess this box is safer for you.” Yes, this little box is a safer place than the plans that once haunted this single mother’s mind. Because this box was an alternative, she chose life. Thus, this box would be the beginning of a previously undreamed ministry in Korea, the ministry of the Baby Box.

The story of this man and his baby box is reaching the entire world with it’s own 72 minute documentary called “The Drop Box” by a young 22 year old, Brian Ivie. The documentary just won the “Best of Festival” Jubilee Award & “The Best Sanctity of Life” film award at the 8^th annual San Antonio Independent Christian Film Festival this past February. Ivie was stirred to do the film after reading an article in the LA Times about Pastor Jong-rak’s mission, and he decided to go to Korea to make the documentary. After seeing the testimonies of this orphanage up close, Brian Ivie’s life was changed. In his acceptance speech, Ivie said, “These kids are not mistakes. They are important.” He went on saying, “I became a Christian while making this movie. When I started to make it and I saw all these kids come through the drop box – it was like a flash from heaven, just like these kids with disabilities had crooked bodies, I have a crooked soul. And God loves me still. When it comes to this sanctity of life issue, we must realize that that faith in God is the only refuge for people who are deemed unnecessary. This world is so much about self-reliance, self-worth, and self-esteem. It’s a total illusion that we can be self-sufficient. Christ is the only thing that enables us.”

A Princess Wedding

Yesterday was my friend Sara's wedding it was a total blast (in a positive way). She was very beautiful and energetic despite the fact she was wearing a high heels; something which I do not imagine my self doing. When I saw her wearing the white dress I felt "deja vu" not because she was looking traditional, but because we have imagined this before. When I saw her I remembered the hours we have spent at the work :( I really miss having my friends around me at the work..


At any value, let us not be a drama queen today, I ask God to grant her happiness, health, luck, and eternal love :) Love you my sweet friend <3

La La La

   

  When you first hear or watch the song you do not quite understand its meaning. After I read the story of the song I loved it. 

Some times life needs the tactic of: "I'm covering my ears like a kid, when your words mean nothing, I go la la la"  because there are many negative people and things and we should get rid of them. 

Good Bye September

Finally it's 30 September! I cannot believe that this month is over now. It was like a long nightmare that won't end.

Many thing happened during this month not only in my personal life but around the world.. For me I did not have time for anything, but work! My days and nights were full of working especially after two of my colleagues left the work.
The whole world was busy with the US plans to strike Syria and the people were preparing themselves for the worse, which is the war. Many decisions and meeting were held and I felt like the world is turned upside down. The future was vague for everyone and no one was able to determine what will happen next. The situation in the region is very disturbing, the Syrian crisis, the sectarian attacks in Iraq and Lebanon, and the instability in Egypt. Whenever you watch news you can only hear reports on the death of scores of people and demonstrations here and there, needless to mention the "exacerbating" situation in Palestine in light of the feverish Israeli attacks against the Al-Aqsa Mosque and Jerusalem. The situation in general is very disappointing.



I feel that there are like million ideas in my head, but I do not have the guts to say any.. I am just tired I do not want think about anything. I guess that I need a long vacation.. I wish October will be nice to me and brings me some good news.

Inspirational Quote

“Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We have only today. Let us begin.” 
― Mother Teresa

I am ready to chase my dreams, are you? I may be lost the right track, but, definitely, I am looking for it 

Inspiration

What a great prison :)

This is really touching 

Random thoughts

I hate Eid holiday in general, but this one particularly is so different... I cannot believe that you are not here anymore I know that I have told myself million times that I can get used to this and it is not that hard... But every time I need you and feel like I wanna see you,, I remember that I cannot anymore...

My plans for this holiday is to stay in bed without thinking of anything.. I am tired of thinking :( I feel that I am "strange and outsider" cannot find anything in common with anyone.. Nothing matters anymore while you are away.. 

5arbeesh

Ramadan is about to end :( I am sad because it was one of the best Ramadans I lived in my life, but inshallah better Ramadans are yet to come :)

I hate the fact that Ramadan will end and the Id al-Fitr will start, its nothing about the Id; it is just me I do not enjoy the Id and I do not find the vacation an opportunity to take a rest.

July was really a very long month for me, I had to manage the office where I am working and coordinate with my "uncooperative" coworkers, while my boss is traveling to the United States to chill out with his family and leaving me tonnes of tasks over my head.. Anyway, al-hmdullilah it is almost over, sigh :)

Funny thing I heard during the "gatherings" of Ramadan from a woman who discussed the developments in the region and how "Jordan is stable and secure." She said: "Many protests were organized here in Jordan, but nothing was achieved on the ground because they are a group of youths who have extra time and do not know how to exploit it, [ma r7 yser eshe 3nna allah y5lelna el malik!]" At that moment I was rolling on floor laughing and said: "If nothing changes till now, then something will happen in the near future because people will reach a point where they do not have anything to give to their children to eat. When that time comes, you will see people in the streets, and let us hope this will happen soon." She was like "O.o!" okay whatever. I do not understand when people will wake up and see that we need a change we need reform!

  

  "He who would trade liberty for some temporary security, deserves neither liberty nor security." 

27 July 2013

27 July 2013 a day to remember! It started just like any other usual day, but it ended in an unexpected way.. I do not have much to say, but just one thing which is that I am swimming against the current.. Yet, I am doing this in respect of my beliefs and principles... God be with me I need you...

..يا رب إن لم يكن بك عليّ غضب فلا أبالي

5rabeesh on Ramadan

Today is the first day of the holy month of Ramadan we know that many people loose their temper easily during the day under the pretext "Ana sayym 7elo 3ane!" You can see those people in the streets driving slowly taking the left side of the street and whenever you honk the car's horn you feel that they suddenly woke up and they start "tshbeer" using their hands and facial expressions to tell you to "f**k off" because again he/she is "Sayyam." You can also find those people on the stores and while you are waiting in a queue he stands before you and take your turn, if you try and tell him that its your turn he will "Yj7rak" or in other dialect "Yjje7ak."

There are really many angry people in the streets during Ramadan and after and before it. So do not put the blame on Ramadan its you, you are the problem :P

Take care on the streets and try to avoid those "ANGRY" people because they will ruin your day and might "explode" in front of you. Happy Ramadan may Allah accept our prayers. 

One Year

كمان 10 أيام بصير إلنا سنة منتقلين على بيتنا الجديد! سنة! 12 شهر! يااااااه كيف الأيام بتمشي بسرعة، بنفس الوقت عم بفكر إنو سنه مرت من عمري شو عملت فيها شو أضفت لحياتي و شو خسرت. بصراحة لقيت كتير أشياء تغيرت، كسبت أشياء وخبرات وخسرت بعض "الأصدقاء" والأشياء. بس الحمد لله أنا مش ندمانة على اشي ولا حاسة إني بعدت عن أهدافي وأحلامي يمكن ما أكون قربت من هاي الأحلام كتير بس أنا على الطريق وبمشي بخطوات بطيئة يمكن بس بتضل أحسن من ولا إشي..

جنب بيتنا في بيت قديم على قطعة أرض كبيرة مبني البيت من قدام والشجر مزروع ورا البيت، أصحاب البيت باعوا من فترة لمتعهد ببني بنايات كبيرة قبل مبارح بلشت الجرافة تهدم بالبيت... أنا كنت طالعة ورجعت شفت المنظر ما بعرف اتدايقت من جوا مع إني ما عمري دخلت البيت أو حتى بعرف مين أصحابوا بس حسيت بحزن على الشجر المزروع من سنين واللي رح ينقلع من جذوره عشان تقوم محله بناية كبيرة من عدة طوابق رح تسد الأفق والسما عن بيتنا.. زعلت على شجر الزيتون وشجر المشمش الكبير.. 

Scores of Articles

The last week I was translating an article on the killing of a Syrian boy in Aleppo (you can check the story here ). I suddenly recognized how many articles I have translated since the Syrian crisis broke out. I thought about how many times I wrote the word "Syria" all along with the words: "victims, innocent people, displacement, suffering, misery, death, and killing!!!" I thought how many articles and reports I have watched about people killed in massive massacres!


What is the goal of the revolution any way? Is not it to gain the freedom and redress injustice against people! I watch different TV channels, including the "repulsive" Al-Mayadin Channel, which represents the yellow journalism.


I am no longer taking the side of any one and I do not care who will win the battle, but what I really do care about is halting the killings and the massacres. Please stop this war, stop killing children and innocent people.

I pray to God to protect Syria and its people :(